Lenten Discipline Update 5

"Our minds are always active. We analyze, reflect, daydream, or dream. There is not a moment during the day or night when we are not thinking. You might say our thinking is 'unceasing.' Sometimes we wish that we could stop thinking for a while; that would save us from many worries, guilt feelings and fears. Our ability to think is our greatest gift, but it is also the source of our greatest pain. Do we have to become victims of our unceasing thoughts?'

These words of Henri Nouwens came to mind as I became aware of the racing of my mind just a few minutes ago. A list of things going on in my mind included; I want a cigarette, the carpets needs vacuuming, I really don't like my sermon for tomorrow, I forgot to write out my work-schedule to post for next week, my oldest son is starting little league in a couple of weeks and he is going to struggle, which reminded me of how much I struggled with little league and I don't want it to be the negative experience for him that it was for me, I wish i had spent more time researching Paul for next weeks Bible study, I watched more tv than I wanted to today, I'm sick of eating chicken for dinner, I wish I could preach like Rob Bell, I really want a cigarette now...
I was spinning. I didn't even realize that I was spinning. I am grateful that my wife notices my body language and picked up right away on the fact that my mind was spinning based on my movements and facial expression. As I sit to reflect on this I notice how negative most of this is. I noticed that I'm not in the moment, and that causes me to pause and reflect on the fact without realizing it I can spin out of the sermon writing moment, spending time with the kids or my wife moment, listening to a church member during a visit moment. I don't mean to do this. I want to be present in the moment and be still in my thoughts. No wonder I forget things some times...

Nouwen goes on to say; 'Do we have to become victims of our unceasing thoughts? No, we can convert our unceasing thinking into unceasing prayer by making our inner monologue into a continuing dialogue with our God who is the source of all love.'

i appreciate what nouwen doing. Instead adding to the unceasing thoughts the added thought that we shouldn't be thinking so much, which just makes us think more. Trying not to think about something just makes you think about it more. Don't think about a pink elephant. See? you can't not think of it now can you. Nouwen encourages us to use this as the material of prayer for in denying it, we actually compound the problem, but in accepting these thoughts, and using them as prayer, they actually drift away and stillness can come. Writing helps too. or blogging in this case. Can blogging be a form of prayer?

Lenten Discipline Update 4

Praying the Divine Office is a bit more of a challenge that one might expect. As I previously posted, I have added to the Divine Office short readings from C.S. Lewis and Henri Nouwen. I am finding the Nouwen readings especially fulfilling, as he reflects on prayer. It's still the time factor. as I've said before, the prayers of the Office seem to go by too quickly. But its not really the Office, its me. It is a struggle to slow the mind, (insert here any 'isn't your mind already slow enough' jokes). Seeking silence and time for contemplation takes planning and requires making choices. I have to choose not to do other things in order to take the time to pray and reflect. But there are so many other things to be done, that I have found myself charging through the Office to get back to doing other things.

I am reminded of the work of a good friend, mentor and colleague Kirk Jones and his pastoral theological work on this issue which resulted in two books, 'Rest in the Storm and Addicted to Hurry.'

It is, no doubt, important to get things done, regardless of our careers, vocations or callings. But especially as disciples of Christ in a complex society, it is also important to etch out moments of reflection so as to clearly discern exactly what it is that must be done so as to best serve Christ and bring Glory to God. I may very well be repeating myself with this post. But this is apparently what I must learn, this lent, to slow down and listen.

this morning I read this from Nouwen's work entitled 'Prayer Embraces the World'; 'To pray is to unite ourselves with Jesus and lift up the whole world through him to God in a cry for forgiveness, reconciliation, healing, and mercy. TO pray, therefore, is to connect whatever human struggle or pain we encounter - whether starvation , torture, displacement of peoples, or any form of physical or mental anguish -- with the gentle and humble heart of Jesus.'

I suppose this encapsulates my hesitation about the very popular 'Missional Church' movements and some of its proponents who suggest that worship is less important than active service. This point of view seems to be falling into our cultures desire for hurry, action, busyness. While a faith that remains inactive and cerebral is certainly offensive to the Christ who called us to take up a cross, I fear that the action of the 'church' will be in vain if it is not rooted in worship, prayer, study and discernment.

Lenten Disciplines 3

Quick update today. Lot's to do.

Yesterday I mentioned the fact that the Divine Office seemed to go by too quickly.
So this morning I slowed down, sang the responses to the readings. At the end of the morning, noon and afternoon office are two prayers, one the prayer for the week and one the closing prayer. In between the two I inserted brief devotional readings. I found a daily devotional book on the writings of C.S.Lewis, so I read that. I also have a book of various brief excepts of the writings of Henri Nouwen. I think I will carry that around with the Divine Office and insert a brief reading in my practice throughout the day. They are not long, but Nouwen is always good. This morning's excerpt was about prayer. 'If we live a prayerful life, then there is a growing desire to spend more time with God and God alone... the desire to pray and to spend time with God and god alone is always growing.'

Which reminds me that my work is not just labor for a paycheck, but prayer in and of itself. The studying and writing, planning, listening, study and preparing I do, are all forms of prayer. Launching into work without a time of silence and contemplation leads me to just see this as labor. Beginning with prayer reminds me that it is all a form of prayer. Perhaps I won't way this well, but instead of rushing to an end result for my labors; a sermon, a lesson, a plan, I can slowly savor these things as prayerful connection to God.

read this Nouwen quote for the noon prayers and thought I'd share; ' Spiritual disciplines are not ways to eradicate all our desires but ways to order them so that they can serve one another and together serve God. --Bread for the Journey